ikari shinji

me -> raw, sanitized

others -> friends

the past -> archive

How long have I had this cesspool masquerading as a blog?

Not long enough to conquer the bitterness in my heart. Goodbye.

I wish my boss weren't on vacation. Then I could tell *him* that I'm out of here, so I can start wrapping up my projects rather than being expected to care about why some resource ended up with a bad file handle. Whoop-de-doo.

Know that song "I'm Getting Nothing for Christmas"?

I have a new variant: "I'm Giving Notice for Christmas". Got a new job on the way, so I can finally say goodbye to this crack-addict code I have to help maintain. Of course, it probably means saying hello, to crack-addled management and corporate practices, but a 14K payraise is worth it.

WHEN does my new job start? Not soon enough. I am SO fucking sick of wasting time because of compiler idiosyncrasies that we could AVOID if we used anything RESEMBLING a modern development environment. Doing the same old boring lame shit is bad enough without it taking extra, wholly gratuitously fucking unnecessary, time. *sigh*

Well, it figures, I suppose. Jess has family in Florida, and I'm down here with mine for the Thanksgiving holiday. But guess where *she* is for the holiday? Atlanta -_-

In the "microscopic changes make a big difference that fucks everyone over", I made a tiny-but-far-reaching mistake that fucked people over for 3 hours and for 2:45 I was completely oblivious because no one called me. SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH. *sigh*

Amusingly, things have been semi-decent lately, hence the lack of bitter entries. There's nothing quite like spending Saturday night alone not by choice, though, that reminds you how tenuous whatever you've gained is.

I guess the bottom line is that I've never really put any stock in that "Jesus loves you the way you are" horseshit. My self is intrinsically without value, and no amount of belief in happy magical fairy bullshit ever really convinced me otherwise. When I'm out doing things with what friends I have, I can feel like I matter for a little while, but in the end there's just me. Nights like tonight I walk the fine line between solitude and loneliness. Being bitter and jealous doesn't solve anything, but it's fucking hard sometimes.

And again I am reminded why I'm glad no one in real life can see me write this stupid fucking emo bullshit.

You know it's going to be a long Monday when you're a computer programmer and the clicking of your own boss' keyboard. Hell, my own keyboard is pissing me off. *sigh*

Well, at least two people cared enough to accept my invitation to diss me. I, um, appreciate it.

I hate OkCupid or whatever the fuck the site is. It's just another "community" where I'm the outsider, the freak, the "special" guy. Kind of like LJ, although at least I get to be bitter here on my own terms. I'd rather be a pathetically emo assclown on some bullshit blog than in real life; QED.

Why don't you leave comments?

Every surf randomly through LiveJournals? Right, right, you have a life. But if you did, you'd notice a large number just get... abandoned. It's like cave paintings on a wall - the marks of people who have long ago moved on. Kind of bleak.

Not a bad weekend, except for the part where I embarassed myself by overindulging in all-you-can-drink Sweetwater Saturday night, not to mention how it trashed 2/3 of Sunday. It's all good when I pay for the alcohol myself, since I know I can't afford 5 pints of Sweetwater... *sigh*

Things could be worse, setting aside how Bush fucked everyone over on Tuesdy. John Roberts looks like Johnny Isaakson, quite frankly, and Isaakson is a lousy swine. Coincidence? Not. At least Bush hasn't ruined my weekend, which may turn out to be quite enjoyable. Woo.

I fucking hate Outlook. Why does everyone on the fucking planet have to use this God-forsaken crappy program? Why do people have a hard time dealing with e-mails that don't contain the entire history of the exchange and that can be replied to without worrying about silly things like the fucking font color?

So apparently I'm getting demerits on my coming performance review for having refused to use Outlook for the last six months. *sigh*

It's come to this - another entry. On my third rewrite of the same piece of code - they just decided that some features weren't necessary after all. I'm having a great Friday.

past